“I have never been single in my adult life! Not even for a one day!” - says Juliet, my new client. She's just listed ‘summoning the willpower needed to dump my boyfriend of three years’ as one of the goals of our sessions.
“I am on the bottom of his priorities. His career. His family. Drinking with his buddies at the ballgame. Even his dog. They're all more important than me."
Why is letting go so hard? Juliet is gorgeous and smart. Rationally, she knows what she must do. Let go so she can find someone who values her love and affection.
But still, she can't do it. Why not?
All the 'Can't Let Go' cases I have worked on share one characteristic:
While the conscious decision to let go is typically thoroughly processed and rationally sound, the subconscious doesn't even perceive 'let go' as an option.
And the ability to let go is absolutely critical to living a fulfilled life.
Letting go of bad investments. Letting go of the boyfriend that changes plans at the last minute to see his friends instead of you. Letting go of the girlfriend that cheats on you. Letting go of wishes and desires and perhaps paramount, letting go of a previous version of yourself.
Our family and friends try their best to help us with advice like "Just do it already! You'll feel better. Why can't you do it?"
Because it is impossible to choose to let go when our subconscious won't even entertain it as a choice. It's like asking for Peking roast duck with Chinese plum sauce at a Hungarian restaurant. The question itself doesn't make sense. DOES NOT COMPUTE. Letting go is simply not on the menu.
So in these cases to create a real choice between holding on and letting go -- we have to first create a real 'letting go' option by inception.
We re-write the underlying menu. We go deep and discover why letting go as an option is either hidden or non-existent. And then we have to restore or create it.
In the following weeks we’ll discern cases where we learn how we let go.
We’ll meet John, who lost his father as a child but never could let his ghost go. We’ll meet Michelle, whose twin sister suddenly died a few years ago. And of course, we will check in with Juliet to hear how she fared.
In the meantime, I want to hear from you. What's your can't let go story? We all have one.
Please share it by simply replying in a message below.